We need to talk
These are dreaded words. In most relationships what follows is usually something really terrible.
Communication : the imparting or exchanging of information by speaking, writing, or using some other medium.
October 2014 was a terrible time in my life. My husband sat me down with these words, and my world came to a standstill. In that moment I thought the worst. Luckily I have a loving husband, who has patiently waited all these years for me to get my act together.
I had major problems with communication. Talking was easy in my classroom, or at work in general. Even with strangers. But when it came to communicating with my family, I struggled. I was afraid of opening up. I was afraid that if they saw what was in my heart they would leave me.
Yet after I took the plunge, it felt as if a major weight had been lifted off my shoulders. My burdens were now our burdens, and he made me understand, by repeating as often as he needed to , that I WAS NOT ALONE.
This saved me.
Here are a few ideas that helped me to open up to my husband. Maybe some of them will help you too.
5 Tips for good communication
Be physical. Men are often more tactile than women, touching seems to sooth them. They don’t talk about their feelings, they show it. So by placing a hand on his arm or knee he feels a much stronger connection to you and opens up your channel to share with him.
The right time. Conversations throughout the day usually deals with organisational items. The who does what when, but a couple rarely gets a chance to talk to each other. Set time out each day, even just 20 minutes where you need to talk about deeper issues. Make a list if you have to.
Verbalise your feeling. Men cannot read minds. If you are upset say “I’m upset” not “I’m fine” while fuming! They need to hear it. And maybe you need to consider carefully why you feel the way you feel.
Pay attention to needs. Find out what he needs from you and explain what you need from him. This cuts out a lot of misunderstandings.
Have fun together. By being actively involved in an activity that gives both partners a chance to have fun you get to build your relationship and you get to build memories that you can talk about when you are old and grey together.
This past year I have had amazing conversations with my husband. I am truly Blessed with him in my life.