I felt like I could not breathe. I had absolutely no interest in anything anymore; not my home, my family, my work or myself. I was tired ALL THE TIME! I no longer wanted to be near people and withdrew into myself whenever I could. I usually have a very rich fantasy life, but even there my thoughts were turning to death.
I had a friend at work who sat me down and told me her story and how she ended up on antidepressants. She saw my pain and reacted to it. Then my husband sat me down and we had a gut wrenching conversation. But my heart broke when I found out that my son told his grandmother that he wasn’t sure that I loved him anymore.
I felt like I was drowning in a deep dark cave and I couldn’t see the light. I knew I needed help.
And the LORD, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed.
God works in mysterious ways… Six months earlier my husband had competed in the Midmar Mile Swimming Event and we met a couple, from our town, among thousands of competitors. As it turns out the man was a Psychiatrist in our hometown! I contacted him immediately and made my first appointment.
I had six appointments with him, that could be extended if needed. I had taken the first step by admitting I had a problem and needed help. The next step was determining what the problem was , before we could work on a strategy to improve my situation.
I waited patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD.
Have you ever felt like that? All this happened late in November 2014. Just before I had to leave home to go mark the Life Science Grade 12 Final Exams. I was so afraid.
I am a scientist at heart. In the scientific method the first step is asking a question. In my next blog I will discuss the steps I took to find out what is wrong with me? Have you ever felt like this?